Dear Baby Daddy,
What goes through your mind as they take you away in hand cuffs. Forced into the back seat of a car that is nothing but hard plastic and metal bars. How do you feel? What do you tell yourself? That it was all worth it? Was it?
How many times do you have to go though this before you realize that this may very well become the only life you know if you do not change and do it now? How many days can you let go by before you realize that not one of those days need to be taken for granted. Not one of those days needs to go by without you doing something different. something life changing. something legal.
Do you ever stop to think about the little boy you once were? The boy with no dad. The boy who’s dad was in jail. Do you ever try to recall how you felt then? How much it hurt? How much you cared. How can you think those thoughts and not want nothing more then to make the heart of your son never allowed to know what that feels like. How can you deal with yourself and not realize the affect it could potentially have on him. Do you remember your mother, how she felt. The things she went through. You, as her old son, had to watch that. Your son, as his mothers oldest, has to watch that.
The fact that you are behind bars will not make me sympathize for you. It will not make me take J to see you or even write to you. I have no reason to. I have no will to. The fact that you are there lets me further know that the decision I made to drop all contact with you was a good one. It was necessary. It was needed and it feels damn good.
I glad you are not able to call me. And I hope you don’t get your hands on my address. I don’t need to read a letter about you changing or being different or better. We both know, that is a bold face lie. And there really isn’t any reason for all of that.
Have fun spending, yet another, Christmas in jail.
