My Thanksgiving
Was just okay. I’m going to blame it on pms but by the end of the night, I was so hurt.
The festivities at the in laws started at 3. I figured it would still be cracking at 6 (that’s how my family gets down anyways) so I went to my sides first and then went there. When I got there, J’s grandma was drunk. Tino came out to the living room where we were and said hi to a sleepy Jasiah like 5 times before he walked off. Didn’t reach out to him. Didn’t try to interact. Didn’t even say hi to me. Shortly after that, everybody just left. You know that feeling you get like ppl are talking about you and then they leave to avoid awkwardness? That’s how it felt.
I later found out (on fucking FB) that he went to finish his night smoking and drinking. Excuse me but isnt that something you do every night. You couldn’t spend a few extra moments with your kid. Your extra curricular activities are more important?
I’ve given up for the very last time. I can feel it. I can feel that I really and truly no longer care. I’m so focused on making sure Jasiah doesn’t grow up like I did. He doesn’t become this person who looks back on his life and thinks about how his dad was on drugs and in and out and his mom had many bf’s in her life. He’ll either have one father figure, or he’ll have just me. That’s it. I don’t want to scar him like that.
Tino will have to face his own demons when he gets down to them. It’s all a matter of time. but I can no longer stomach the strength to care.
