Ghost
Were you/are you taking birth control? What's the plan if you are? Anonymous

Nope, no birth control but if I’m not, I will be looking for afforadable ways to protect myself.

Uh oh! When will u take another test? What will u do? babywilliams

My second test will be taken sometime this weekend if nothing happens. If its negative then I guess I just wait for a late period to arrive. Because that will have been two tests taken and both negative and I’d be pretty certain they were both correct.

If I’m not pregnant, I will thank God and kiss the ground and swear to always wear a condom or find (afforadable) ways to get birth control.

If I am pregnant, I will cry. This was not apart of my plan right now, but whats the saying? God laughs at your plans?

I’d be mad at myself for allowing this to happen a SECOND time for about a week. And then I’ll get over it, pray Brent stays by my side and carry on.

I’ll admit I’m worried about what ppl will say. I don’t know why. I guess I just hate to be judged and “wrong”. But in the end, this is my body and my life and they can all fuck off.

I might be pregnant

-I had unprotected sex about a month ago

-I took a test a week later cuz I was freaked out and it was negative

-last month, my period came on the last day of the month. (April 30th) Its june 1st.

-my period is never perfect and it could totally be here within a day or two but I’m freaking out

- I swear to not have (anymore) unprotected sex until I’m ready.

I’m mad

or pmsing and possibly both.

Ugggh

  1. Boyfriend is being a retard. I knew not having my car would test this relationship. It would prove how much he really liked/cared/wanted to see me. Instead of catching two buses to my house after work last night where I waited naked with a dinner plate, he instead gets picked up by Jay and goes to his house. In the middle of fucking no where. I set these days aside for you. These were planned and now your way in bumfuck on your day off. Good job, idiot. What was that? You want to instead come over possibly Sun and Mon? Fuck no! I have plans and I’m NOT altering them for you because you weren’t thinking about me last night. Fucking bullshit.
  2. Paternal grandma (who I did not have a relationship with most of my life. I only “knew” her up until the age of six and then didn’t “reconnect” until my dad was dieing) is sick in the hospital having crazy surgerys and needs someone, anyone, I guess. Her room mate/ care taker hasn’t been up to see her and idk where her other son is. So I get the call. The call that says I should give a fuck. I don’t know what these people expect me to do. I can’t get up there. I don’t have feelings for her like that. Am I wrong? I think not. Honestly. But to clear my head and heart and to shut people (read: my mom) the fuck up, I’m having 60 fucking dollars worth of edible arrangements sent to the hospital. Thats my fucking electric money. But if thats what the ppl want, thats what they’ll get.
  3. My mom is a cunt. She kinda wants me to watch her kids over the summer but she kinda doesn’t. She thinks I’m going to chain the little one into the inside of a closet of maybe bash his head against the tile floor. I’d do neither of those things but that kid irks me sometimes. I know I havn’t been the nicest big sister but give me a fucking break. I’m no Casey Anthony. Then she makes me feel bad for having these feelings. I can’t help it that your child is a fucking nut. Not my fault, yours. But then its like I don’t have much of a choice. She’ll throw in my face how she watch Jasiah for a few months but shes not understand the severity of the differences. And I’ll be cooped up in the house with them. No car. Not to mention having to deal with her “oh I’ll pay you next week” kinda thing going on. I just don’t know what to do. I want to help her but I want to keep my sanity and my life. I may not be working but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a life.
  4. Love’le’s (my fave cousin) dad said we could use his truck whenever we wanted. We made plans to go and visit some family tomorrow. He asks if we can instead do it today. Fine. All of a sudden he dissappears and isn’t answering the phone. I fucking hate when people do shit like that. It’s fucking annoying. We NEVER asked to use his car, he offered. We DIDN’T plan for it to be today, he suggested. So why is he being retarded. Worst part is, now I’m fully dress looking incredible and so is Jasiah and we aren’t going anywhere. Instead, Love’le and the kiddies are going to come over. (Her mom is going to drop them off) and while I do love and miss them dearly, I wanted to get out of the fucking house. I would have stayed looking bummy if I knew he was going to pull this shit.
  5. All people, everywhere suck.
Update on your life! :) Anonymous

Um okay.

Since losing my job a month ago now, I actually feel kinda good. At first, I felt a bit lost, like I didn’t know what to do with myself and like I HAD to do things which resulted in me feeling extremely overwhelmed and drained. It’s weird, but that’s what happened. Today tho, I feel wonderful.

Financially, I’m doing okay for now. I don’t start to receive my unemployment benefits until tomorrow, I believe, and they aren’t giving me any back money. It starts at this week. Which kinda sucks because it means I have to use Jasiah’s Legoland money to pay the rent which means he doens’t get to go to Legoland, which is still okay because he’s only two and we’re planning a party in the park and I’m going to let him experience Adventuredome, the amusement park here in Vegas.

I was blessed with food stamps so that helped a ton and I should be hearing soon on whether or not we both will get medical. Thats kinda how I plan to live for a while. I’m really needing to focus on school so my next job will either be something in the field I’m striving for (Teaching) or work study at the college. That way, I can do homework at work and no one will care.

I’m in a relationship. It’s been about a month and a half now. So far so good. About a week ago I was having my doubts, like is this what I want, is he real, is he honest. But I have to let all of that go and go with my gut and let shit happen. I can’t keep trying to predict the future. Right now, I havn’t seen him for about a week (we talk and text constantly) so I’m excited to see him later.

Jasiah is wonderful! These past few days he has been hitting me with words and phrases that have me curled up in a ball dieing of laughter. I just can’t get enough of him and his antic! He’s still smart as ever and has now mastered the color yellow, blue and sometimes red! He is still into cars but is loving when motorcycles and trucks drive by or getting to hear an ambulance or firetruck roar down the street and listening for airplanes in the sky. He can literally spot an airplane from lightyears away. I love his fascination in these things. He’s the best.

Update number two

I have yet to talk to Tino since his apology. I’m trying to get in touch with him to talk more about the details of this trip and make sure his head is on straight. Apart of me wants him to not want to go anymore or not try to call me, so then I won’t have to deal with him and I can just take my son to Legoland. The only thing that’s making me feel guilty is the fact that he paid for it all…..

Sooooo I’m still trying to hunt him down….

Update

It has only been a month and this relationship seems to be moving faster then what I can keep up. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and that includes with Jasiah. They get along fine and after he warms up Jasiah is usually cool with everyone.

IDK what I’m doing… I guess I’m just doing it.

He has met my family and is super cool with my grandma, which was expected, because she’s cool like that. And he makes them all laugh, just as much as he makes me laugh. They seem to like him so it’s all a winwin. He’s talking about flying to FL to visit his parents and maybe even Mertil Beach to visit the rest of his family. I’m down for a vacation! It’s not like I have a job to go to or anything… aha

there are still thing that I think about like “is he just talking and saying things just to say them, is he lieing about some things”. And then there are things that I don’t like about him. But i figured it this way. You probably are never going to find someone that is everything you want from head to toe. But you can find someone who has more of what you need in a relationship and he has that. I knew for sure I wouldn’t find a man my age with no kids that wouldn’t be a bum… and voila. There he is… haha

He’s not prince charming but he’s pretty close and so far so good. I see this thing lasting!

soo weird aha

Also

since tino’s blow up, he appologized via text and said he still wanted to go on the trip. He also borrowed a hundred from the money so at this point im unsure of if he apologized for real or for the money. He said he would replace it but I haven’t heard anything from him since then and I’m trying to get in touch with him so that I can get a formal apology and see where his head is before he takes us 5 hours from home and kills us or something. (I always think the worst)

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like jasiah’s other family is fake as shit. That’s why, I can’t always trust what they say. It’s like, they talk soo much shit about other ppl and then you see them smiling in their face. smh. Just dumb.

Also, they aren’t being very fair when it comes to me, Tino and both of our lives. Tino had some kids behind everyones back, and she’s cool with it, which is fine. It’s not the kids fault and they deserve love too. But she didn’t “like” the picture I posted of me and my bf. She never even talks about it with me. She never comments on it, nothing. Its like, she hates that I’m with someone else, which is dumb, because she knows her son aint shit.

ugg it just pisses me off. And then Aunt Nica talks soo much shit about Tino’s older sister, and how she can’t stand her and she’s ugly and she Just Now posted a pic of her, talking about “my neice”. Whaat?? You didn’t like her the other day. Fucking weirdos….

Why right now?

According to Tino, as long as I’m in this relationship I can’t have anything to do with his family. He wants me to cut off everything and my only interaction should be to drop J off. If I fail to listen and I continue to talk to them while in a relationship he will kill dude. If he finds out Brent did anything to me, he’ll kill him. If I get knocked up and I’m still talking to his family he will hunt dude down and kill him. He graphically said “I just bought two guns and I will shoot him all in the face with both of the. Every bullet”. He says its not right for me to be close with his mom and Brents mom at the same time. He wants me him and his mom to talk. He’s pretty much gonna pitch a fit and threaten to do something if we break that rule. I’m curious as to what his mom will say. I just have a feeling she’ll go by what he say. I’m not scared of him like she is. I really don’t care what he says. I told him he hurt me the most by having a bunch of babies and its not fair that he can do that and I can’t even have a bf for two weeks without hell breaking loose. He said he knows he did and he wants to make sure no one else does. He’s possesive. I need him to stop this. He’s pissing me off.

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